um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
