He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
