You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
