So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
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I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
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Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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