We're facebook friends in real life
I want to have your abortion
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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