I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We have started to decorate penises.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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