I am full of burrito and curiosity
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
When are your genitals available?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
