but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
