I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
