Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
