if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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