Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
