Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
