I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this just has baby written all over it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
