...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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