hell yes lets make some ravioli
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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