I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
