You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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