She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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