you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
