If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
