i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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