No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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