Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
