and you said cock pushups were impossible
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
is wine microwaveable?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
