last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
