Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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