Having a random hookup so left but love u
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Randomize
