awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just pee around me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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