halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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