I want to have your abortion
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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