she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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