i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
