the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
