Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
