I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
