you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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