Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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