note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
