I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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