Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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