If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
