Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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