this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you will always have a special place in my vag
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
