Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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