dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
