Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
