i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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