I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
