He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
