make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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