yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
