i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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