I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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