Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to coat check the pizza.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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