the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
