If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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