I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
