Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
