my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
