I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
