Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We're too hungover to prance.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
