just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
