as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
