Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
