Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
