i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
