I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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